Sometimes, you just need to go home.
For me, Nova Scotia, with it’s craggy shores and glorious sunsets over the bay, fits the bill. I feel peaceful there, it’s a place where my mind can slow down and I can think things through. I can wake up early, go to bed late, walk along the shoreline of Harbourville, go sit near the Black Rock Lighthouse, watch the mysterious ebbs and tides of life. My life, anyway.
I have a lot weighing on my mind and heart recently. Things that keep me awake, long after I should be catching up on my beauty sleep. Every day stresses that make me reflect on where I have been and where I want to go. I think a lot about money, how can I make enough to carry me forward, when it comes time to retire. Frankly, it’s a scary thing sometimes.
Two failed marriages, where most of what I had worked so hard to save is gone. Both monetary and emotionally, they took a toll and I still struggle to rebuild my future. Places that bring me peace and calm and joy help get me through the trying times of what I call ‘stinkin’ thinkin’.
I walk down to the harbor, stand still and look at the boats, set up on the muddy shores of low tide. I think of all the travel they have seen while out on the open water, these sculpted wooden vessels, trying to eek out a living, hoping to bring in the bread and butter for all of those fishermen and their families. If they don’t come home with their catch, the men don’t eat. They don’t get to pay their bills. Their lives just get harder. I always say a prayer when I stand there, for the best day ever, for a full belly and more than one good night’s sleep for each and every one of them.
I used to kid about this cottage all the time. It was my favorite. I would tell my very best friend, Dottie, that it was all I needed. It’s tucked between the cliffs and other cottages on the shores of Harbourville. It sees the sunrise every day. It is sheltered from a lot of the storms that hit the bay. I would laugh and tell her that it was perfect, that I didn’t need much of a house, if I could just call the ocean my home, if I could just wake up here every single day for the rest of my life. Dottie would hug me tight and say ” Someday, Brat, maybe someday. “
Dottie…….She is the main reason I love Nova Scotia. Even though she is gone from this realm now, I know that she is there, wandering around the beach, picking up rocks and pieces of driftwood to take home. She sits with us by the campfires on hot Summer nights, her spirit ever present, gifting a warm hug to anyone who needs encouragement to walk through this journey called life.
I miss her a lot. On days like today, when my mind is racing, when I am thinking ‘ what should I do, where can I go, how can I make sure my future is secure, that I am going to be okay while I walk towards retirement and those older years,’ I can feel her hug. I can hear her tell me to calm down, take it slow, breathe deep, that it’s going to be okay.
She always told me to reach out and grab my dreams, the ones that swirled around writing, travel and my love of photography. She always told me I could do it, make something of myself, if I just kept this vision clear and directly in front of me. She was an incredible cheerleader. Anytime I doubted myself, she would kick me in the ass. ” Stop,” she would laugh out loud at me. ” Get up and keep going. “
So, on days like this, when I feel tired, like it’s never going to happen, that I am never going to be able to retire and travel the world with my camera like I want to, I feel her tight embrace. I know she was my best friend in life and I know how lucky I am that she continues to show me love in her passing. So, I do get up, dust myself off and get going again. Because that is what human beings need to do.
Today is just another high tide and low tide in living.